Reasoning

Parents can be really strange. Perhaps not everyone's parents but my folks certainly fit the bill. My parents split before I even took my first breath. I grew up never meeting my father or maybe it was him not wanting to meet or maybe it was mum not wanting me to. What ever it was, he definitely was never there.

Growing up, I never recalled ever asking for my dad or who was he or where he was. It was a unspoken rule among my mum and relatives to never bring it up. Although I have secretly wondered. Was he some spy, a multi-billionaire industrialist or an astronaut? Of course the kids at school bragged about what their dads did for a living. Without an actual father in my life, gave me carte blanche to mold him into what ever my little heart desired. First he was a businessman, then a travelling sales man, another time he was a scientist. What an exciting life Daddy lived...

Of course, I have caught snippits here and there, whispered conversations in darkened hallways about daddy dearest. "...married...but had affair...", "she's tall...like him...", "...no proper job..."  I guess the worst are when ma gets pissed off at me and says I have his personalty. He can't be that bad if he has my personality cos I am so f*****g adorable (as told by friends).

Maybe I should have asked more questions about him and perhaps it may have eventually led to a meeting or even a father-daughter relationship that I still secretly crave deep inside. But I always tell myself that things happen for a reason and just leave it. Its as if I reasoned with myself so that I wouldn't have to ask those difficult questions. Consoling oneself, reasoning with oneself that if it ain't broke don't fix it. Another reasoning, telling myself that...it ain't broken.


Its always the "what ifs..." in life that get you.

Anything you wished you asked...?